My Evolution of Valentines Day

Valentine's Day is coming. That is clear by all of the many, many commercials, (one of which just came on as I started typing this), of flowers, cards, jewelry, dinner specials, and a myriad of other ads that businesses have incorporated all things Valentines. The pressure is on! The ads seem to imply that if you don't do what they are selling for the one you love, then you're going to let your Valentine down. For men, it can be daunting. My guy recently grunted about the upcoming holiday. Something he has never done. It's just not him. He's always made the day special and has always had a great attitude about it compared to most men. I've always found myself lucky in that regard. But this year, due to circumstances he's says he's struggling. I reminded him it's not always about the big things or things that cost money. But with all the ads of what it should be, the pressure is on. For many women it can build expectations and for those that are still single, it can be just down right depressing... even if the person that's single doesn't want to admit it. But let's be honest, most people want to be the person that is someone else's Valentine.

I dare say that men, whether they admit it or not, enjoy being on the receiving end of a Valentine just as much as women do. It's human nature to want and feel.... loved. It's a horrible feeling to not have that special someone or feel loved especially on a day that emphasizes coupledom.  Since I currently have a special someone I enjoy that fact. There's even a commercial I like that's out right now that I actually like. It says "Valentines is not about you but about 'us' as a couple. How we've grown together etc, etc." It's a different approach then what most other ads are about and I like it.

How far I've come....

My Valentine journey started out like most everyone else's journey does. In elementary school. When we got to spend time during art each day creating Valentine holders which ranged from actual boxes to huge Valentine Heart mail holders. All to receive the many Valentines that each of us would receive depending on class size. We went with our parents to select which kind we liked from the selection which ranged from Winnie the Pooh, Scooby Doo, Cinderella to Power Rangers.We'd tear out the Valentines and then carefully choose who would get what, picking out the really special one for the person in the class we had a crush on and hoped they'd notice our special effort and write our name just right on the back. Everyone got one though. It was an equal opportunity holiday. Of course the one for the teacher was usually a little larger and thus more special. Then on Valentine's Day, studies were over early and we had a party with lots of sugary goodies. Who didn't and couldn't love that?

But then we moved up to upper level grades of middle school/Jr. High and High School. Equal opportunity was over and in a big way. Schools quite often in some form or another have dances and/or flowers that they do or sell during Valentine's Day. My romance with Valentine's Day came to a sreeching halt!! It became very clear who the "who were" and the "who were nots" of the Valentine World. Guess which side I was on??  I would see the girls who would get things delivered to them during class or receiving things in the halls or things hung on their lockers, with balloons and flowers galore! These were the same girls that were carrying all their overflowing goods to each class so that us have nots could wallow in our envy and down right near black depression. My first lessons of how some people in the world can be overly blessed  and didn't even appreciate or deserve all the attention or what they got, while others who would be grateful for even just ONE thing had begun. I created my own day. It became Black Hearts Day! I drew little black heart balloons on my notes to my friends where I signed my name wishing my friends Happy Black Hearts Day; and spewed my hatred for the holiday to anyone who would listen. I was the girl that was told I was so cute or this and that, and yet never had dates or was asked out and NEVER had a single Valentine's of any sort! (We won't go down the road of the never got asked to homecoming or prom thing for now... maybe another blog).

To me those years were all about if you had someone or not, were you important to someone or not and there was nothing worse than feeling like you didn't and to have a national holiday to help point it out to you!

Unfortunately it didn't get much better when I did finally have someone because my then husband wasn't the kind of guy that got what Valentine's was all about. He got better with time and I got better about not caring. I also started to have kids that were in elementary school and I got to live through them vicariously, and therefore reminded of, the innocence of Valentines through their eyes. I would get my own little Valentine's Card from them, and would hang up all of their Valentines that they had gotten up on the door. I enjoyed making the cupcakes and sucking on the heart shaped suckers. I laughed at the saying on the little hearts again and picking them out to give to them or vise versa. The pain was healing over. It remained ok too even after I found myself once again single. It was ok. I no longer took it as a personal assault or a secret emotional abusive plan by the government to cause me pain. And as difficult as it was I also got to relive the pain of how it feels as a teenage girl to not be part of a couple or get something special or be someone special on Valentine's Day with my teenage girls. I tried to help them through it knowing how it felt the best I could, but it's just not easy no matter what generation you are.

Now I am full circle. I do have a Valentine and he is the most incredible Valentine there is. He was so worth the wait. But more importantly before him I was ok and had learned to be my best own Valentine. Everyone reaches these stages at different times and some never quite get over the painful or envious stage. And I admit, it can be rough. But what I've learned is that all of the people that I love and care about are my Valentines. Why shouldn't I celebrate all of them? Why make it about me? This year in fact, I think I might go out and buy one of those Valentine card box kits from the stores, spread them all out on my bed..... poke them out from their perforated edges and select which one I'm going to send to who. Everyone enjoys a Valentines and every one deserves one---and some may even need to get one...  So let's see.... will it be Scooby Doo or Sleeping Beauty? I don't know but I do know I'll have fun deciding and picking one out.

Happy Valentines